Is your picky toddler not eating? It happens to all of us at one time or another. Here’s why it might be happening…and what you can do to make it better. (Or at least to learn what’s normal so you can relax.)
Picky Eating in Toddlers
You get everyone to the table and bring out the food. Your toddler won’t eat, throws a fit, or fusses. No matter how hard you try, this is often the reality of feeding toddlers. The good news is that a toddler not eating is normal. The bad news? It’s a difficult thing to know exactly why your toddler isn’t eating—and what exactly you should do about it. But there are simple steps you can take to improve the situation.
Toddler Not Eating? Here’s What to Do
Family meals are a chance to be together at the end of a long day, to enjoy food, and to create daily rituals and routines. But when a toddler won’t eat, it can throw off even the best of intentions—and can make dinner time (or any meal when this happens) a huge source of stress. Since I know that the reasons a toddler won’t eat are unique to each kiddo and situation, I’m going to try to be as comprehensive as possible here.
Daily Toddler Nutrition
For a quick reference, you can download my Printable Toddler Nutrition Guide so you can refer to it for reassurance and information. Use it as a guide, not a hard and fast rule, since kids aren’t robots and will not eat like a chart. Aim to serve healthy fat with most meals or snacks since little kids need it for proper brain development.
Why does my toddler refuse to eat?
It’s very possible that your toddler’s not eating because he simply isn’t as hungry as he was when he was a baby. Toddlers grow less rapidly than babies and may be less hungry and need less food than you expect. If you give them a larger portion size than they need, they may eat some and leave the rest—and it may visually look like they haven’t eaten anything even though they did.
And toddlers don’t always have the words to be able to effectively communicate that they aren’t hungry, so they may just refuse to eat. This may look like playing with food, throwing food, or flat out refusing to have anything to do with food.
A normal toddler meal may be two bites of a food. Or it may be a whole plate. A normal toddler may like something immensely one week and not at all the following week. This is to be expected and is 100% normal.
Or, it’s entirely possible that once they have it in their head that they don’t want something, they won’t eat it. Sometimes not wanting dinner is about power. Toddlers are in the developmental stage where it’s normal for them to test boundaries. They are learning what they can and cannot do, and effects their actions have.
Talk with the rest of your family about how to create some structure around meals—when they happen, where they happen, who sits where, if music is playing, if phones are put away—to help your child know what to expect. Toddlers thrive on routine and attention.
Try:
- Avoid serving anything but water between meals (to avoid filling bellies up with milk or juice).
- Serve very small portions to start to avoid wasting food or overwhelming the kids with large portions.
- Create some mealtime structure so there are set expectations at the table.
- Let it be okay if a child isn’t as hungry as you expect them to be. The Division of Responsibility can be helpful here.
How do I get my picky toddler to eat?
If you are in the habit of short-order-cooking the foods you know your toddler will eat, you may want to consider stopping. Explain to your kids that we’re having such and such tonight, but that you will make their requested favorite food soon. Then follow through so they know they can trust you! If favorite foods are always available, your toddler will always want to eat the favorite foods.
Make sure there is 1-2 foods on the table that the child usually likes, even if it’s something simple like fruit or cheese. Surround them with the food you want them to eat and let them decide what and how much of it to eat. Using this Division of Responsibility in Feeding approach to meals is a total GAME CHANGER as it clearly delineates what the parent and child are responsible for at the table, lessening pressure on everyone. It also gives them a chance to stay in touch with their own hunger cues without prodding, pushing, or cajoling—which makes mealtimes more enjoyable for you too.
We want our kids to know their own hunger and fullness cues so know how much to feed themselves as they grow into adolescents as adults when we aren’t around. And they can be hard to tap into if they are constantly overridden by external cues (like if we push them to eat a certain amount, say), however well-intentioned.
You can also try to involve them in doing something to help get ready for the meal to distract them from their concern about what’s for dinner. Try letting them help to set the table, help with simple meal prep (like washing veggies), or wash their hands. Hand washing is an excellent toddler-diversion tactic when they get upset about something!
If you are okay with cooking separate meals for your kids and you don’t necessarily want them to eat a wide range of foods, then by all means, serve your child what you know she will eat. If you’re wanting your child to eat family meals and a wider range of foods, then you need to take some steps to change the situation. Changing the situation will take some time and it’s not an instant fix—but it’s entirely possible to do.
TIP: Almost every toddler is picky in one way or another at some point. Toddlers are quirky, it’s part of the fun! (And the challenge, of course.)
Why did my toddler stop eating?
If your child is playing with their food rather than eating it at the start of the meal, chances are they aren’t hungry enough to eat. Take a break and try again in 30 minutes if possible—or for the next snack or mealtime.
If your child just doesn’t seem hungry, consider how long it’s been since their last meal or snack, how much milk (or juice) they’re drinking throughout the day, how much they ate at their last meal or snack, whether they are teething or tired, or otherwise off.
It’s very possible a toddler won’t eat because they just aren’t hungry as often as you expect them to be.
If your toddler won’t eat foods he once liked, try serving them in new ways, but also remind yourself that it’s normal for toddlers to go through phases of loving and not loving foods. They may be obsessed with blueberries one week and never want them again for two months. It’s possible they simply need a break from having certain foods as frequently. That is okay.
Try:
- Avoid serving the same foods two days in a row to help your toddler know that we don’t eat the same thing every day.
- Serve very small portions to start with to keep your own expectations of how much they should be eating in check.
- Space out meals to at least 3 hours to let true hunger build.
- Remember that there are simply times when kids aren’t hungry or aren’t as hungry as we expect. That is not a sign of pickiness.
What if a toddler won’t eat anything but snacks?
Often, if a toddler knows there is a snack ahead that includes more traditional “snacky” foods, they won’t eat the meal you are serving. It can help to serve regular food at snack time, instead of relying on crackers and fruit snacks, and to serve classic snack foods with meals. This can help even out the appeal of all food intake opportunities. In other words, think of snacks as mini meals and serve all food at all meals.
Kids often relax when they have access to their favorite foods, so there’s nothing wrong with serving Goldfish crackers along with strawberries and a hard-cooked egg. Or a chocolate chip snack bar with a banana and carrot sticks. It’s all good! Remember: It’s your job to give your child lots of opportunities to eat nutritious foods, so make them a regular part of all meals and snacks—while still offering foods your kids you know your kids usually eat. It’s all about balance…for everyone involved.
Try:
- Buy more of the foods you want your kids to eat, but still include foods they love so they avoid feeling restricted.
- Serve small meals at snack time instead of traditional snack foods or incorporate more traditional “snacks” into meals—like crackers alongside soup, for example.
- Stick with a routine for meals and snacks by having them at set times (roughly) and avoiding all day grazing.
Why does my toddler refuse to eat?
There will be times when your toddler simply doesn’t like a meal you make. And whether it’s the texture, flavor, appearance, or the way the wind is blowing we may never know, but it will happen. A toddler won’t eat at times because they are either not that hungry or they know you will get them something they prefer. A child will always choose a more familiar, fun, and safe food when given the chance. But if you pair safe foods with other ones, they can gently expand their accepted food range.
My method is to make family dinner, including 1-2 foods that the kids usually like even if those foods are a simple side of fruit and milk. Then, if they don’t want to eat, I can trust that they aren’t hungry. This is a very reliable method if you do it regularly. I do realize this is hard when it’s 6 pm and your little one hasn’t eaten a thing for dinner. If that happens and they legitimately seem hungry after dinner, wait at least 30 minutes (so they don’t feel rewarded for refusing dinner) and offer a super boring bedtime snack like a banana. If they are hungry enough for boring food, you know they are hungry!
If your toddler seems to legitimately dislike a meal, you can institute a “back up meal” to give them the chance to satisfy hunger. Choose something plain that they would likely never choose to eat by themselves and offer that and that along. This should be used very rarely. If you find that it’s being relied on more than 2-3 times a month, reassess whether the backup food is too exciting.
Good backup meal options are plain yogurt with granola, plain toast with nut butter, a scrambled egg. Think plain!
Try:
- Avoid getting up during a meal to get different food at your toddler’s request. Instead, always aim to include 1-2 foods they usually like in any meal to ensure they always have something to eat.
- Serve a boring bedtime snack if they didn’t eat dinner and seem hungry before bedtime.
- Have one boring “backup” meal option for those rare nights when they legitimately don’t like the dinner on offer—something they probably wouldn’t ask for, but are happy enough to eat if hungry.
My toddler won’t eat because he’s sick. Should I worry?
When toddlers are sick, normal eating goes out the window. With any illness, appetites can decrease. The general rule that our pediatrician always shares is that as long as they are drinking and going to the bathroom normally, then you shouldn’t need to worry too much. Keep portion-sizes small, keep the actual foods simple, don’t push food too hard, and trust that their little bodies are doing what they need to in order to feel better. You can get back to normal eating when they are feeling better and always check in with your doctor.
Be patient since lower appetites can linger longer than you might expect, even once a child starts to feel better. And of course, check with your doctor if they aren’t drinking, there’s another red flag, or you just need reassurance from a medical professional.
Also, toddler teething can cause reductions in hunger. Try not to expect that your toddler will eat normally when they are cutting teeth (especially not with molars!) and instead offer them plenty of liquids, chilled foods and things that don’t require too much chewing—smoothies, yogurt, pasta, popsicles—to help avoid irritating their already irritated gums.
My toddler won’t eat anything but milk. Help!
If you have a toddler who’s not eating, but who will drink lots of milk, it’s possible that milk is filling their bellies and reducing hunger for other food. (The same can be said for any other food that they are insisting is the only food they want.)
The AAP recommends that toddlers have 2-3 serving of dairy a day, which includes milk and other dairy foods like cheese and yogurt. A serving of milk for a toddler is ½ cup. Try serving a small portion of milk just at meals and offering water in between. But do keep portion size in mind, especially if your toddler won’t eat anything but milk. This 4-ounce sippy cup is a nice size to use at meals since it ensures that a toddler won’t fill up on milk and will be more likely to have room in their bellies for some food. A very small juice glass works too.
Try:
- Serving milk at meals and offering water in between.
- Serving it in a small cup to avoid filling little bellies with just milk.
How can I increase my toddler’s appetite?
Well, first, why do you need to increase your toddler’s appetite? Are you worried she isn’t eating enough of the right foods? That she is too small? Is she low on the growth curve? A good question to ask is whether her growth is consistent with her own history, not as compared to other kids her age. Every toddler grows at their own unique speed and it’s possible that she is exactly the size she needs to be—and is eating a perfect amount for herself in her current phase.
If your toddler legitimately doesn’t seem to be eating enough (remember, they may eat only ¼ as much as an adult…you may need to adjust your expectations!), you can try serving smaller snacks and meals more often, adding lots of healthy fats to their food, and getting them involved in the kitchen. Here are some foods that may help a toddler gain weight.
Sometimes just being around food in a situation without pressure can encourage a kid to explore and enjoy more at the table.
Why won’t my 1-year-old eat?
Toddlers aren’t growing as rapidly as babies so while your child may have eaten a lot as an older baby, he might not be as hungry now. One-year-olds are also BUSY. They have a lot going on in their little worlds and many constantly want to be moving. Avoiding distractions at the table can help a toddler focus on their food, and keeping a consistent mealtime routine—when meals happen, where they happen, and what’s generally expected during a meal–can go a long way towards happier mealtimes for everyone.
One-year-olds are also just discovering that their actions have consequences, so they may not eat (or they may throw food or do all sorts of other behaviors) simply because they’ve realized that they can. Keep your reactions during meals as low key and consistent as possible so they don’t try to get you to react!
Try:
- Limiting distractions at the table and sitting and engaging with your child during mealtimes.
- Keep your reactions to undesired behavior neutral, consistent, and swift. (If they throw food, end the meal. If they spit out their milk, remove their access to milk. Etc.)
- Give them time to work up an appetite between meals—and avoid letting them graze in between.
- Remember that it’s NORMAL for a one year old to be less hungry than they were as babies. They may eat less than they used to and we might need to adjust our expectations.
Why won’t my 2-year-old eat?
Outside of illness or teething, a two-year-old won’t eat for similar power dynamics as above, but they also may be much more sensitive to new foods due to a normal phase called neophobia. This fear of new foods, which usually spikes between 2-6 (though it can start at 1 year old), can cause them to refuse foods they once loved and foods you think they will love. It can also cause them to refuse to want to eat foods mixed together or foods with certain textures.
Try to remember that this is a normal phase of development that will, in all likelihood, eventually pass. Researchers have found that you may need to offer a food 8-15 times before a child may willingly try it. In other words, keep on offering the foods you want them to eat regularly in small portions and without pressure. Because even if they don’t want it today, one day they just might surprise you!
For a two and three-year-old, serving meals family style can also help to diffuse power struggles at the table. Simply put the components of the meal in bowls on the table and encourage and help your toddler decide what they’d like to eat. Don’t force bites of everything, but give them space to choose what looks appealing. This small amount of ownership over what goes onto their plate can be extremely helpful for strong willed toddlers.
Try:
- Ask your child “how can I make this yummier?” to see if they can help you figure out how to make their food more appealing.
- Serve meals family style to diffuse power struggles and let them choose which foods to put on their plates.
- Include 1-2 safe foods in each meal that they usually like to ensure they always have something to eat if they are hungry.
- Trust their appetites, which may be different than you expect and may vary a lot from day to day.
Why won’t my 3-year-old eat?
A three-year-old may not eat for reasons similar to a 2-year-old, but they may also have more words to express themselves—so they may be more dramatic in their response. They may not be as hungry as you expect, their appetite may be unpredictable, or they may be worn out by the time dinner rolls around. (That last one is fairly common!)
Three-year-olds also know how hard they need to push to get what they want. Toddlers at this age benefit from set expectations at mealtimes and routine. Which is to say, if you start getting up to get them foods other than the ones you’ve made for dinner, they will continue to demand that you do that.
Remember that there’s no rule that says that a toddler needs to eat every single thing you serve for dinner. If they eat some of it, there’s decently good behavior, and minimal crying, that can be defined as a happy meal. Keep the bar low my friends and you might find that things are better than you realize!
Try:
- Serve meals family style and let them choose what to eat from the foods you put out.
- Let them choose what to have for dinner from two predetermined options so they feel like they have more power.
- Serve very small portions to start to avoid overwhelming them.
- Include 1-2 safe foods they usually like in each meal to function as safety nets in case they don’t like the main dish.
My toddler won’t eat breakfast. Why?
Do you have normal periods of the day when you’re hungrier? You may simply have a child who isn’t super hungry first thing in the morning. Try to give them a little time to wake up before sitting down for breakfast and/or serve a smaller portion for breakfast and increase the amount of the morning snack.
If your toddler drinks milk or breastfeeds in the morning, it’s possible that they have a full little belly that doesn’t have room for food. Keep that in mind if your toddler won’t eat breakfast and adjust expectations accordingly—and perhaps also serve smaller amounts of food.
My toddler is constipated—is that why she won’t eat?
It’s certainly possible! If a little one (or anyone, really) feels uncomfortable in their belly, the idea of putting food into it may not be that appealing. In addition to fiber, having enough water is key to alleviating toddler constipation, so offer lots of water to drink throughout the day and hydrating produce like melon, cucumbers, berries, zucchini, and the like.
You can also try to include healthy fats (avocado, coconut oil) in their diet, or try a Constipation Smoothie, as they too can help food more easily move through the digestive system. And remember: Each kiddo has their own “regular” so it’s possible that your toddler needs to go once every two or three days…or three times a day.
P.S. If your toddler has been holding it all day at school, he may not want to eat dinner because he’s uncomfortable. Try to give him a chance to use the potty, with as much time as is needed to relax, before dinner.
Why does my toddler always want a bedtime snack?
If your toddler has 2 or more hours between dinner and bedtime, she very well might be hungry before bed. You could either push dinner back a bit or institute a regular bedtime snack. This is a tactic I read about in this book and it makes sense. If there is always a healthy bedtime snack, you won’t have to renegotiate it every night. And you also won’t have to worry about sending your child to bed hungry if you are prone to that particular worry.
I’d just caution against making the snack something they LOVE because older kids will recognize that they have a dinner time safety net and might not eat the main meal. If a child regularly asks for a snack right after dinner, it may be a habit (or a bedtime delay tactic!), not true hunger. Try “you can be hungry for breakfast” or “if you’re really hungry, you can have a banana”. Both of those phrases can work wonders to suss out true hunger.
Try:
- Find super simple healthy bedtime snacks here.
How do I know if my toddler’s eating problems are serious?
Here’s some great advice from Katja and Jenny, the authors of Extreme Picky Eating:
“Ask yourself: What is your underlying fear? The point is to figure out what you are worried about, and then find out if you need to worry (or not) from a book, a doctor, or dietitian. If you don’t need to worry, you can direct your energies to more productive things like supporting your child’s eating. If a problem is discovered, like an oral-motor delay, then you can get that addressed. Studies suggest that between one and two-thirds of all young children will be described as ‘picky’ in early childhood.”
If there is a growth delay, severe reactions to different or specific textures, regular gagging, difficulty eating or digesting, oral-motor delays, muscular disorders, or any other issues that make eating difficult, reach out to your pediatrician and/or a feeding therapist. They will be best suited to help you work through the issues.
Bottom line: When a toddler won’t eat, it is not a judgement on our cooking skills or our parenting skills. A lot of it has to do with the developmental stage they are in, of learning and exploring boundaries, and simply seeing how much power they have. Hang in there!
Did I miss anything? Comment if you have a question!
This post is not meant to be a substitute for medical advice. Please consult with a pediatrician or a feeding therapist as needed.
Hello Amy,
My 19 month old Little Girl has not been eating right for the past 6-8 months, every single time something needs to go anywhere near her mouth it becomes a battle… 🙁
She used to eat quite nicely before, having fruit and veg, I was cooking nice little meals for her, it all stopped for no known to me reason around the summer…she has not eaten fruit or veg since (even the slightest chunk gets rejected), won’t eat cheese, any puree, soup, pasta, rice, cous cous, pies, etc. Bread only gets eaten completely dry – cannot put the tiniest bit of butter or jam/chocolate on it 😐 often she refuses yoghurt, which she loved…She used to eat porridge quite nicely for breakfast, now doesn’t – will eat cereal with milk tho, so I suppose I should be ‘happy’ with that… Lunch is another battle – he only thing she will eat without too much of a fuss is ‘dry, boring, brown oven stuff’, i.e. chicken nuggets, fish fingers, veggie sausages…no veg or potato (even in the form of a chip) will pass…
I don’t tend to give her biscuits/snacks in between, so that she is actually hungry for the more important meals, that doesn’t work.
We do sit to eat together, I show her I eat what I give her and try to incorporate other foods that she is refusing to eat on her plate, just so she sees they exist, but nope, no luck…
I am literally at the end of my sanity here, as this cannot be ‘normal’ to be happening every single day for the last 6/8 months…..
HEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!(please!!!!!!!!!!!)
Hi- It sounds like you might benefit from more individualized help given how long it’s been going on and your stress level (based on what I can tell:). If you’re open to that, I recommend Thrive by Spectrum Pediatrics or Sunnyside Up Nutritionists. You could also look into the book Helping Your Child with Extreme Picky Eating by Katja Rowell. I hope that helps a little!
My 18 month old won’t eat any of the foods I give her unless it’s string cheese, or chips and all she ever wants to drink is juice, she won’t even try to drink milk or water…I don’t even know what to do any more do I just give in and give her juice? I don’t want her to go without liquids
Generally speaking, in this situation I would ask what you do when she doesn’t eat what you offer her and what her expectations are of mealtime. If she knows she can hold out for the food she wants, she’ll go with that. I recommend using the Division of Responsibility with consistency and including 1-2 foods in each meal/snack that the kids usually like and not getting up to get other food. This can take a few days to become normal, but it can help. With the liquid, maybe try watering down the juice some to start? I know this is hard!
Hi, I have a 18 month old, she loved puree’s since around 5/6 months old right up until around 9/10 months. Then she has never ever liked the lumpy food, with solids such as breakfast toast, porridge, she will have one bite and that’s it. We offer snacks such as fruit etc throughout the day but she doesn’t eat. All she wants is milk.
Hi- Generally speaking, it’s possible that she is full from her milk and that decreasing the amount she has over the course of the day could help her to be hungrier for solids. Some kids don’t connect the dots between solids being able to fill their hunger until they are drinking less milk so that could be the main or part of the issue here. I would continue trying to offer a range of textures though to continue to give her time to learn them and reach out to a responsive feeding therapist if you feel that the texture issues are more of the issue than the milk consumption.
My kid is 2.5 years girl .. she was 24 lbs her ribs stick out .. it’s disgusting she refuses to eat … truthfully I given up .. it’s exhausting if she doesn’t eat whatever .. they will eat one day right???
If she’s really not eating, I would recommend being in touch with your pediatrician as you may need to work with a feeding therapist. I hope that helps!
My 3 year old will be 4 in June. He has a very limited amount of foods that he will eat. Peanut butter, strawberries, banana, green beans, French toast, carrots, cereal, snack bars and sometimes eggs. I am concerned that he isn’t getting what he needs nutritionally but my pediatrician is insisting that he’ll eat something new when he is ready. He has gotten taller, but hasn’t necessarily gained weight in the last 6 months. When should I be concerned ?
Hi- Typically if a child eats less than about 20 different foods over the course of a month (two different kinds of snack bars would be considered two different foods, for example) you may need individualized help from a responsive feeding therapist. If preparing meals and snacks fill you with dread or worry, I would also consider that a time to consider individualized help. Kids don’t always grow linearly, so I would trust your pediatrician’s assessment on growth. I recommend the book How to Help Kids With Extreme Picky Eating, and also the teams at Thrive by Spectrum Pediatrics and the Sunnyside Up Nutritionists. Feel free to email me if you want to chat more!
My son used to be a great eater until about 18 months. Since then he has been extremely picky. He doesn’t eat foods that he used to (which I know you mentioned is normal in your article). Ultimately, I’m not too concerned about my son’s health since he will eat at least 1 or 2 foods from each food group. However, he almost always refuses to eat dinner. Again, I know he’s probably not hungry at the time; but what is concerning (or more frustrating) is that he wakes up at 5AM, and I think it’s because he doesn’t eat dinner. I always offer 1 safe food (if not more). He probably eats dinner once a week, and he’ll only fill up on the safe food. If we were to offer chicken nuggets or pizza, he would gobble it up every time. I’m wanting to just give in and give him nuggets and pizza every night so that he’ll sleep later in the morning (which I know I shouldn’t do). Any advice? We’ve been offering the same foods since he was 18 months (he is now 27 months), so well past the 15 times that is suggested to offer it before they actually try it. And when I say the same foods, I mean a wide variety of foods, but many times (e.g., we offer him chicken 2-3 times a week for dinner, fish another night or two, ground beef another night, etc.). We never pressure him to eat anything. I’m getting to the point though that I want to. Any advice would be appreciated!
It is very common for this to happen around the age you mention. Perhaps offer a very boring bedtime snack to help? (I cannot guarantee that will help with the sleeping—you may also want to look at how long he’s napping which could impact how much nighttime sleep he needs.) My approach to bedtime snacks can be seen here: https://www.yummytoddlerfood.com/advice/bedtime-snacks/
3 year old refuses to eat anything other than chips and chicken nuggets for dinner. I make a different dinner every night and never give in to his demands, if he doesn’t eat his dinner he doesn’t get an alternative. It is slowly getting worse, to the point that he ate 1 dinner last week. I serve him things that I know he has eatten before but his not even eating them. I include him is the prep, we reward him for trying new foods and nothing is working. Someone please help us!!
If you haven’t worked with a feeding therapist before, you might want to get some individualized help if it’s getting to the point that he’s really not eating. I can send you some options if you’d like. I know this is hard and I also know that sometimes you really need someone to work with your unique situation.
I couldn’t figure out how to add my own comment..
My son is 16 months and I am sill breastfeeding him. My husband thinks I should stop because he still wants it at night and he thinks thats why he doesn’t eat well. Breakfast he never really eats much more than 1-2 bites unless we have pancakes. Should I stop breastfeeding? I know he loves it and I love the bonding but I know food is more important for them…
Hi- I can’t tell you what to do but I will say that clearly breastfeeding is important to you and you don’t have to stop if you or he isn’t ready. Yes, it is true that some kids who nurse overnight at this age will be less hungry for food simply because they’re getting nutrition from the breastmilk. If you want to nudge his intake towards more solids, you could consider night weaning or working towards dropping the first morning feed so he has time to be hungry for breakfast. It can be gentle and responsive to him and a process. I hope that helps. I can direct you to some resources about night weaning if you’d like—let me know here or amy @ yummytoddlerfood . com
Hi Amy,
Can you please share those options?
I am new in your blog and in USA and will be thankful for the info
Children are 4 and 2
Serving a balance of items and a safe. When they eat all the safe food and nothing else and want more safe food, what do you recommend? I’d like to have a go to approach because once they learn it they will be ok with it.
Ex: Pork Chop, broccoli, potato, apple sauce. They want more potato.
My current but weak approach is 1 more small serving and then we are done with the potato till next week. Still feels wrong. Either they stop eating asking to leave the table, have a fit at the table or eat a broccoli and meat so they can get more. I just don’t know. We’re all tired at dinner time.
(Other common safes are fries, strawberries or watermelon.)
Thanks.
What is your specific worry about offering additional potato? Perhaps try letting them have more and see if that helps make dinner less exhausting, just as an experiment? Meals are about more than nutrition (though I of course understand that is a concern).
The ‘half of their calories should come from fat’ might be the most frustrating thing to read. I’m actually really good at math, but I don’t know how to calculate nutritional math. And kind of don’t have the mental capacity to understand/take the time to learn it. If the nutrition community could find a different way to communicate these numbers, I would certainly appreciate it, and might be able to implement better nutrition in life.
Yes, that is a good point. Aim to include some healthy fats with each meal or snack, but don’t stress if it doesn’t happen each and every single time, and you should be fine. I will update the text to be more clear and helpful. Appreciate your feedback!
Hi Amy, my two year old refuse to eat for 6 months already. She only wants to drink her formula milk… please help.
Hi- If your child is only drinking formula and no solids, you need to reach out to your pediatrician and work with a responsive feeding therapist to wean off the formula and onto solids. That is a process that will likely need professional supervision, especially at the age of your child, so please try to get that medical help unique to your situation. Good luck!
My 20 month old used to eat very well then one day she stopped. I started noticing that’
she’d pick up the spoon or food to put it her mouth and then just stopped herself. Sometimes I can hear her tummy and I know she’s hungry. She sometimes picks up the food but sets it down and I don’t know if she can’t eat or if it hurts . this week she hasn’t really eaten except for a bit here and there. She doesn’t drink anything other than water or breastf milk .
Has she been sick or teething? If it’s been going on for longer than a few days and she’s not eating anything, I would check in with her pediatrician.
My 19 month daughter is not eating since two days
She drinks water but eat about 1 meal or 2 meals
She is teething. But i need to know when shall i get worried about her portions.
She looks tired, i dont know bec she is not eating well or because she goes to nursery
Thank you
My problem is my 2 year old will not lay down for bed or a nap without milk she will have a melt down even in the car she has to have milk therefore she never eats actual food she is by no means under weight but i go through 3 or 4 gallons of milk a week i dont know what to do!?
If you want to change the behavior, you’d need to have a plan to discontinue offering milk at those times and offer alternative comfort instead and to stick with it and be consistent with your reaction. If milk is interfering with her food consumption, she may not be getting the nutrients she needs from food so you could consider a multivitamin in the meantime. A sleep consultant might be helpful in this situation since the milk and sleep are so tightly connected. Alicia from http://hushlittlebirdie.com/ is wonderful. Good luck!
My 2.7 month toddler won’t eat except for the specific foods that he likes. He would not even open his mouth to try the new food as long as it doesn’t look like the one he is familiar with. Someone advised we shouldn’t give him another food until he tries what we offer . He ate last 12pm , it’s 5.13am now that I am typing this and he has still not ate. I feel bad and even though this person is a child care specialist I feel something is wrong with this approach. He keeps waking up to drink water but won’t eat the food. I am at my wits end. He won’t feed himself. I feel like I left things too late. I don’t know what else to do..
We don’t eat the same things because my husband and I are on specialized diet and he can’t eat what we are eating. My husband and I don’t eat the same things not out of your choice but out of necessity. Help me
Hi. I’m so sorry you’re having challenges. It sounds like you need personalized guidance from a responsive feeding therapist. I’d ask for a referral from your pediatrician or if you are interested in virtual services, let me know at yummytoddlerfood at gmail.com and I can send you some names. Hang in there!
Great article and I love your instagram page! I am having a lot of trouble stopping spoon feeding my capable 16 month old son. We start a meal and usually he will try to start eating something and then after a minute or so gets bored and I just feed him the rest. Sometimes he says done quickly but I still try a few more bites. I was always encouraged to finish my plate growing up and it’s something I have extreme trouble with (people leaving food on their plate.) Even typing this I am seeing the problem is me but how can I feel confident he’s eating enough? He’s a big boy too and smart but sometimes I feel like “why would he let me feed him if he didn’t want it?” I feel at a loss and that I’ve already failed my child in regards to healthy eating habits.
I would encourage you to simply stop feeding him if you really want to and/or definitely when you can tell he’s done and is giving clear signals. You’ll know he’s had enough if he’s growing, gaining weight, and meeting his milestones and if he’s happy and seems good to you. It gets easier the more you do it (though you may always worry and that’s normal too), but the good news is that every day they have a lot of chances to eat so he’ll never go long before he has another opportunity to fill his belly. Remember that kids eat a range of portions and that can vary a lot from day to day. There’s no one right portion size. Follow his cues like you are and trust yourself too. You are not failing! Also: it’s okay to help him when he’s having trouble with utensils. Let me know if I can help more too!
Thanks for the informative post! We are hoping to transition to eating dinner as a family more – our son is 2 and 2months, and really picky. So I’m ready for this to be challenging for a while, which is a shame because cooking and eating dinner is a pleasure my partner and I share and are loath to give up 😉 My concern is – if we put meal components out, won’t he just eat the ones he likes and leave the rest, ie. he would just eat carbs meal after meal? He already practically subsists on bread some days so I am worried this would do nothing to expand his tastes. Any tips? He’s frequently picky about texture (doesn’t like pasta) and mixed things (say, omelette with ham in).
Hi! I guess I would say that you don’t necessarily have to expect that mealtimes will be terrible. I would ask what your main goal from meals is—is it nutrition? Together time? The goal if offering a mix of foods and letting the kids have some say in what they actually eat is to lessen the power issues that often creep up in toddlerhood. So meals can be about being together versus a battle of wills. You can also plate their food, using small amounts if you prefer. Yes, little kids may eat more of some food groups than others (which is normal for their age, they actually need a lot of carbs!), but often times, if you keep mealtime pressure and stress low, things balance out over time and improve as they grow. This can also increase the likelihood that they will try foods on their own, without being forced to, which will make it more likely they’ll eat them again—and when they are old enough to be eating out in the world without you.By eating with you, he will also see you eat a lot of foods, which is helpful for exposure too. There are no guarantees, but this method is helpful for creating happier mealtimes for everyone. (Which I realize may not be everyone’s goal!)
I meant to add that you can also remind him that he can do it himself (even if it’s just with his hands) and sit with him to model eating. That is an important part of this since it’s helpful for kids to see how we eat so they know what is expected of them. And it gives you something else to focus on too, which might help. Hang in there. I still help my 18 month old when he’s having trouble with utensils—this is a long process of learning to eat and you 100% have nothing to feel badly about.
Thank you so much for responding so quickly I really appreciate it and am so grateful to your advice! I will be having my husband hold me accountable to stop and trust my toddler. I think one of the initial problems was I was always worried he would wake up in the night more and breastfeed more (we are still nursing and I’m hoping he will naturally wean by 2) but mostly he sleeps well. Thank you again I’ll reach out if we need more help.
My 2 year old often refuses his meal and says ‘cake’ as he knows that desert comes after! We’ve read conflicting things – either withhold desert if they don’t try their main meal, or don’t do this as it encourages them to think negatively about their main meal. We’ve tried both and also offering fruit only for desert but the behaviour is not changing. At nursery, they always offer desert regardless of whether the main meal is eaten and this does feel right with us, but we worry that we’re rewarding him for not eating his dinner! We have recently started a sticker chart where he gets a sticker if he tries his dinner but not sure that he has made the connection or not. Do you have any advice about whether we should give desert if he doesn’t try his main? By desert, we usually do fruit but occasionally we give home-made cake that he has helped to bake (no sugar) so we’re not giving massively exciting deserts, but I did wonder if we should mix it up and give fruit for snacks and then just something plain for desert like rice cakes?
There is no perfect way, but I prefer to offer dessert with the meal and let the kids eat it in any order they want so that there’s no chance that they’ll see dessert as a reward or better than the main food. I would also suggest that you pick a dessert strategy and stick with it—so maybe that means no dessert during the week, but ice cream on the weekends. Or a small portion of dessert each night. This lets the kids know what to expect and avoids having to renegotiate it each day. There’s more on serving dessert with dinner here.
My toddler asks for the same foods over and over and will even try and get new servings style half of the old serving is still right in front of her. This has only been the last few days, but she’s throwing giant tantrums when I won’t get her another serving.
It’s so hard when that happens. I would stay calm and remind her that she can have more when she’s done or that she can have more tomorrow, that you know she loves that food and you’re so glad she’s enjoying it. And do your best to change the subject to help her focus on something else. It’s possible she’s worried that there won’t be enough or she’s reacting to feeling limited. Depending on her age, how exactly you approach it can vary slightly, but I would do your best to reassure her that there will be more and not take it personally. Toddlers have very little control in their lives and so often mealtime dynamics are a way that they try to exert some!
My 13 month old has always given us a hard time with eating stage 2 foods. She would constantly whine through the whole meal. Now that we are trying real solid table food the whining and refusing to eat is even worse and is extremely frustrating. It’s frustrating because she will chew and swallow bananas in a banana split but she will chew and hoard buttered noodles in her mouth for the entire day unless I give her stage 2 baby food to swallow it with. What do I do?
Is she drinking water with meals? It takes kids time to learn to chew and eat a wide range of foods so I would try to be patient as she is still new at this and offer a food you know she can easily eat with at least one that is more challenging for her at each meal or snack. And do your best to make foods as easy for her to chew as possible. Like cut those noodles up into small pieces and make sure the banana is super ripe and soft. It should start to get easier but allow time for her to learn through this transition to solids.